Truth Distortion
A Favorite Tactic of Narcissists
In the aftermath of my abusive relationship, I often wonder how I didn’t see the truth distortion and covert manipulation that shaped my reality sooner. That’s the thing, though: covert abuse isn’t loud or obvious. It’s a quiet erosion of your sense of self, built on fragments of truth carefully arranged to conceal lies. It sneaks into your life, disguised as concern, vulnerability, or even love, until you’re left questioning your reality.
A Vacation Interrupted by Doubt
This week, I found myself entangled in that familiar confusion, even though I thought I had escaped it. It was the last night of vacation with my kids. I felt light, happy, and perfectly balanced. We were watching one of my favorite movies, and I let my youngest stay up late to finish it. Then, my ex-husband called my oldest daughter’s phone.
I could tell something was wrong from the look on her face, and my gut twisted in fear as I thought, “What now?”
“Is everything okay?” I asked, even though I already knew it wasn’t. My ex told her he had suffered a seizure caused by a panic attack. My immediate reaction was disbelief: panic attacks don’t cause seizures. But almost as quickly, doubt crept in. Maybe I was wrong. I’ve had plenty of panic attacks and spent time researching them, but perhaps I missed something.
I Googled: Can panic attacks cause seizures?
The answer was clear: “While panic attacks and seizures share some symptoms, it is generally not possible to have a seizure directly from a panic attack.”
Despite this clarity, my mind swirled with doubt. What if he really did have a seizure caused by a panic attack? Am I a terrible person for questioning such a serious event? The back-and-forth in my mind left me questioning my instincts and feeling off balance.
The Pattern of Lies: A Covert Abuser’s Toolkit
This situation perfectly illustrates the subtle nature of covert abuse. A small kernel of truth, panic attacks are real and can cause distressing physical symptoms, wrapped in a lie so carefully constructed it made me doubt myself. The confusion wasn’t just about the claim itself but about how easily I was pulled into the narrative he wanted to be believed in.
Covert abusers often use truth distortion to confuse, destabilize, and maintain control. Their words don’t need to be completely true — they just need to sound plausible enough to make you question your perception. This tactic works because it plays on your natural instincts to empathize and care while simultaneously clouding your ability to assess the situation critically.
How Manipulators Blur Reality
Truth distortion is a powerful form of emotional manipulation, combining partial truths with exaggerations or outright falsehoods. Here’s how it works:
- Believability: By introducing a kernel of truth, the manipulator creates a foundation of credibility. In this case, the truth was that panic attacks are real and can be distressing.
- Emotional Misdirection: Presenting themselves as the victim of an alarming event shifts your focus from questioning their story to worrying about their well-being.
- Cognitive Dissonance: The mix of truth and lies creates confusion, making you doubt your knowledge and instincts.
This web of confusion keeps you stuck, second-guessing everything — even when you know better.
Reality Check: Separating Truth from Lies
Let’s set the record straight: panic attacks can produce intense physical symptoms like chest pain, dizziness, and shortness of breath, but they are not known to cause seizures directly. Seizures are typically associated with neurological conditions, such as epilepsy, or specific triggers unrelated to panic attacks.
So, why might someone fabricate or exaggerate such a connection? Often, it’s to shift the narrative in their favor. Claiming a dramatic health event, like a seizure, draws attention, garners sympathy, and distracts from other behaviors they might want to avoid addressing. It’s a way to control how others perceive them.
Steps to Reclaim Your Reality
If you find yourself questioning your reality after encountering manipulative behavior, here are some strategies to help you regain your footing:
- Validate Your Feelings: Acknowledge the discomfort or confusion you’re feeling. It’s a natural response to being manipulated.
- Seek Factual Clarity: When something doesn’t feel right, investigate it. Whether it’s researching medical facts or discussing the situation with a trusted friend, grounding yourself in reality is key.
- Recognize the Patterns: Once you see the tactics for what they are, you can anticipate and counteract them.
- Set Boundaries: Protect your emotional energy by refusing to engage with manipulative narratives. Redirect the focus to what truly matters.
- Trust Your Intuition: If something feels off, there’s a good chance it is. Trusting yourself is one of the best defenses against manipulation.
Reclaiming Power from Manipulation
Manipulation thrives on ambiguity and self-doubt, but recognizing these tactics is the first step in reclaiming your reality. It’s important to show compassion to yourself, for the times you didn’t see the manipulation clearly, and to others who are still navigating the fog of abuse. These tactics are designed to disorient and destabilize, not because of any failing on your part, but because they are intentionally crafted that way.
By learning to identify these behaviors and equipping ourselves with tools to address them, we can untangle the webs of lies and partial truths that keep us questioning ourselves. Together, we can create a space where truth is valued, reality is honored, and healing is possible.
